Meatballer Squad Moves to 3-0

June 15, 2010

Tater, GA - It was a steamy night for a doubleheader in Tater, GA, and the Meatballers didnt know if they had what it took.

"I don't have what it takes," said Captain Meatball, "and Im pretty certain the rest of the squad really stinks too."

Despite Coach's plea, the games had to be played. And played they were. Steven "I still can't find my penis" Christensen was on his A game from the start, throwing slurve after slider and baffling opposing batters in Game 1. When it came to fielding, Christensen was also his usual self, having issues bending his round physique to reach pedestrian ground balls. "I stink" said Christensen after a scolding by team Coach/GM/Sweaty Ass Police Officer Meatball. (Sweat Pants McGee, opposing team player, spotted with sweaty ass and possible lack of undergarments - 7:12 PM. Confirmed by 3B Meg Quirkberg.)

The game went on, despite soggy asses and fat people abound. And when it came down to the end, the Meatballers found it in them to pull out a victory. The Meatballers were 2-0, and destined for greatness. Or mediocrity. Not sure.

Game two came along as sure as a shart in 1B Brad Kovacik's tightie whities (The shart came as well - spotted by Russo - 7:34 PM). And once again, Steven "I grow a beard because my face is chubby" Christensen was on his game. This youngster was on a mission, and would not be stopped on this day.

"I won't be stopped." said Christensen.

Then Meatballers started playing like Meatballers of yesteryear. Balls in the outfield were dropped. SS Marc Russo messed his pants, to the delight of many female spectators. Team Redneck Jon Scott pulled a 6 inch knife on an opposing player. The only good thing that could be said was that new Meatballers Jen and Holly were holding their own, not realizing that Meatballers are not good and must perform in this manner.

Holly's sock shot someone. Megs socks continued to have oddly colored stripes. Lauren "Don Cheadle" Tolley-Johnston continued to roam the outfield like a retarded mule. Sarah Kovacik took a cue from her husband, and sharted. Phillip threw a ball into the field next door. Things were looking down.

But this offense was too hot to stop. Youngsters Christensen and Korn were on fire, and SS Old Man was continued to hit ground balls through the opposing teams legs. All of a sudden, the Meatballers were on top 10-5. Once again, could it happen? Could the Meatballers go to 3-0.

No.

The lead was relinquished, and the Meatballers went into the bottom of the final inning down 11-10. Walks came, hits came, and somehow, this feisty, unattractive stinky-assed crew came out on top. 3-0 for the first time in squad history.

It is important to note that team correspondent/strike out falling down guy Oscar Rainbow was nowhere to be seen. It is believed he was stuck in a cardboard box under a bridge around 14th street. More to come on this.

- AP